The Spring Clean of Life

Ok, Ok I have an excuse. I've been really busy. These last three weeks have been *to be said in a Tom Haverford voice* "craaaazy". Unfortunately, I will be keeping this one pretty short but here is a brief list of things that March taught me:

• Cliches are overused phrases for a reason.... they are powerful and make a lot of sense.
• So, with that in mind, FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS. I did and now I have fulfilled an ambition I have had since I was microscopic and the emotion that came with it (a hundred people cheering and clapping for you) was the best feeling that I have ever felt in my entire existence as a human being , as a centipede before that and as a Western Jackdaw before that. Also, I landed this amazing gig where I get to change things and I feel honoured to be helping my friends do all the cool stuff they want to do. It's the Vicious Circle's good, more talented and better looking cousin- the Awesome Circle.

•  Ultimately, people are really nice and kind and you should try to see the good in them.


• This month I have met a lot of new people and have become close with those that I was already friendly with. This was a great decision *takes a moment to limber up and then gives self a well deserved pat on the back*. I now firmly believe that putting yourself out there and doing a bit of socialising outside of your comfort zone is the best possible thing you can do for you and your happiness. Oooh, go on, you know you want to, you flirt! *winks*

• Horizontal stripes work well in crop top style.
• As a rule, my mother told me to avoid horizontal stripes as they highlight broadness (she put it more kindly and subtly than that- "Oh love, maybe nautical just isn't for you"). However, I borrowed a natty little number from a friend, glanced in the mirror and approved of what I saw (Thanks Crisp!). So do it. I've heard they're in fashion. Push the boat out, sailor!

As always, enjoy my wisdom and drink responsibly. 

That's all for now, folks.

nERD

MY FAVOURITE THINGS TO WATCH ON TV 3.

As the third in the 'My Favourite Things to Watch on TV' installment I have chosen to recommend Death In Paradise. I watched series 3 in two days. TWO DAYS. It stars Chris Marshall as the goofy and well meaning Humphrey Goodman, a replacement Detective Inspector (SPOILER: the first, played by Ben Miller, was tragically murdered in the first episode). 

If there's one thing I love it's a lighthearted yet fiercely intelligent murder mystery which is probably why I reviewed Jonathan Creek first. Death In Paradise ticks all the proverbial boxes for me. The mysteries are (apart from the first, which I vaguely recollect was a Jonathan Creek Christmas special) unique and intriguing. The characters are diverse and very amusing. The thing I love most about it is how far away it is from my life. The Carribean setting is breathtaking. -Holiday 2015 fingers crossed!- It's relaxing and mesmerising. The one liners are hilarious but it is the bumbling Humphrey's attempt to settle in to Saint Marie life that are really special. Also there have been some wonderful cameos, my favorite so far having been from Spaced star Mark Heap, so keep your eyes peeled. It is heartwarming and life affirming. The smiley face emoticon was made for this show. :) 

Find it on iPlayer right now.

Why is Feminism Important?

I am both appalled and ashamed that I have not posted on my blog for a month. This level of neglect is not acceptable. Today I would like to take a few moments of your time to focus on the pressing issue of feminism. 

The other day I was spending some time thinking. It was a rare occasion so I decided to tackle the issue of feminism. I had some time on my hands so why the hell not? What I concluded from several moments of deep thought was how SCARY it is to be living in the UK as a young woman in a society that is still heavily dominated by men. A simple statistic. We have only ever had ONE female Prime Minister. Now, isolate that fact in your head. Don't start thinking 'Yes but it was Margaret Thatcher and...' Just focus on the fact that in this supposedly developed western society that has had a Prime Minister for the last couple of CENTURIES, half of the population has been represented by gender once. That is truly terrifying. In addition to this, comes the gender pay gap, the rise of FGM and the everyday sexism that has, according to a fascinating Times supplement article (January 2014), been on the rise since 2011.

 I would like to share with you a personal experience of everyday sexism. I work in customer service, specifically in a Delicatessen. Two weeks ago, a man of approximately 70 years approached me and asked for some cheese. I produced the one he required and, as it was of the hard variety, began to score back and forth along the cheese to cut the rind properly. The subsequent hand action provoked the old man to lean over the counter and say 'I bet you keep the boyfriend happy'. I was deeply offended and disgusted by his behaviour. My own mother blamed not the man but the 'generation gap'. This is verbal sexual harassment and it is just not good enough. 

The thing about feminism is this: it works both ways. I wish to encourage the young women I see everyday. I wish to give them the self-confidence and POWER they so desperately lack. It is important to nurture young women but it is also important not to destroy vulnerable young men. The other day I overheard a stranger say 'Hahaha oh my god I can't believe that she likes him, he's so fat'. Absolutely nothing gave her the right to say that. Undoubtedly, she would not call her best friend 'fat' (this is the opposite of what young people need) so why on earth did she think it acceptable to call a male 'fat'? A simple statistic. 100% of male humans have feelings.

The message here: I urge you to think a little before you speak, tweet, text. After seeing some disturbing misogyny on my Twitter timeline produced by my own peers I can only assume this level of ignorance can and will spread further. May I also add I am not speaking from a high and mighty position by saying this and I acknowledge my own flaws. I simply believe  that feminism is no longer a political stance; it is equality; it is way of life. 

2013- "So Apparently I Had A Social Life...."

My New Year's Resolution 2012-2013 was to not forget. I decided that for a whole year I would keep the fantastic memories in an owl jar (see right) to refer back to at the end of the year. So, as well as it being wonderful for me to look back on the amazing times I had in 2013 it also makes a cracking blog post. Please only read on if you care about my year. If not this post is not for you so please come back in January 2014 when hopefully there will something more interesting and a little less self-serving. To be honest this post is a bit like a private joke between me and my friends but if you are nosey and you like this sort of thing, let me know. 

1/1 The strangest/best game of Articulate ever. Best friend could not guess Malteser after one whole minute of description.
3/1 Excellent party hosted by tall friend. Much jollity.

10/1 English Language exam completed

18/1 Snow Day!

11/2 Sang "I dreamed a dream" on stage with animal-obsessed friend. The strangest/best reunion ever.

21/2 Four friends came over for tea, cake and Scrabble.

19/2 Explored the beautiful city of Winchester. Francis Francis- so good they named him twice!

22/2 Elite Meet. STALIN, "if you're talking, stop!"

8/3 (My proudest moment of 2013) achieved A* in English- highest mark in the year 197/205

8/4 LaCross came over and we played Scrabble, watched The Dark Knight Rises and laughed a hella lot.

27/4 Bonfire. I nearly caught fire.

10/5 End of Year Celebration "If you wannabe my lover!".

24/5 Went to see Star Trek: Into Darkness with dad and had a great time.

5/6 Didn't do any revision because I watched all of Miss Marple series 3. 

JULY AUGUST SEPTEMBER CAN BE FOUND IN SCRAPBOOK

1/10 Father reaches significant age.

12/10 Part ensues.

1/11 Meet up with a long-lost amazing friend.

11/11 I reach a nearly significant age.

22/11 First poetry commission. 

17/12 Read poem in front of many people and it goes down well.

20/12 Compere Celebration and make some jokes that go down well thus making it not a disaster.

27/12 DMs arrive in the post and I don't take them off for 12 hours. 

That doesn't seem like very much really. It was a year of laughter and new experiences. However, I think 2014 will be better still. I have very high expectations. 

nERD 

Genius, Influence, Insight

After listening to Miley Cyrus' Wrecking Ball for the 77th time this week I feel that it is time for me to list my inspirations. Unfortunately, Miley doesn't make the cut. Her tunes on-the-hole aren't exactly my cup of tea but I do love Destruction Sphere. I shall refrain from discussing whether or not I agree with her performance at the VMAs or the music video for Wrecking Ball but I CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING BALL! ...Sorry about that. I'm not sure what came over me. (Was it a Wrecking Ball?! *a dog barks in the distance as tumbleweed rolls across the stage*)

So, inspirations, inspirazioni, Вдохновение.... the people who inspire us are personal and one can be inspired in any number of ways. This time around I am going to focus on the people that have inspired me to aim for the career I want and the route I'd like my life to take. Here is my list:

• Caitlin Moran
• Caroline Aherne
• Victoria Wood
• Peter Kay
• Ross Noble
• Catherine Tate
• Julie Walters
• Benedict Cumberbatch
• John Van De Ruit

(there are probably more that have temporarily slipped my mind)

Caitlin Moran is the Zeus Inspirer. She is the embodiment of everything I want to achieve. I intend to go about being a mental, hilarious feminist power-house a bit differently however. I cannot divulge my action plan unfortunately- that would be telling. Beside Almighty Moran are Victoria Wood, Julie Walters, Caroline Aherne, Ross Noble and Peter Kay. Victoria Wood in my opinion has made it. The worst kind of person is the person who says "Women. Aren't. Funny." My response will always be "You absolute knobcake" (Knobcake. Excellent word courtesy of an excellent friend). THERE ARE WOMEN LIKE VICTORIA WOOD, FELICITY WARD AND CAROLINE AHERNE WALKING THIS PLANET- DO YOUR M*****-******G RESEARCH, YOU MORONIC INDIVIDUAL. Women are very funny. Very.

The next layer of my delectable inspiration sponge cake includes John Van De Ruit, Benedict Cumberbatch and Catherine Tate. JVDR wrote the funniest series of books in existence (Spud series well worth Amazon-ing), Benedict Cumberbatch is currently the best young male actor in Britain (something I aspire to be) and Catherine Tate is an all-rounder- clever, first rate at acting and often bloody hilarious. You are lying to yourself if you dispute the fact that Tate/Tennant was the best Doctor Who partnership ever. 

So those are my inspiracije. Role models, if you will. Good things to have, even better things to live up to.

nERD

Review of Sunshine On Leith

My mother and I, in need of a pick-me-up, ventured out to the cinema on Wednesday to see the much anticipated Sunshine on Leith. I've had a bit of a cinema-fest recently (especially as I intend to see The Fifth Estate with Benedict Cumberbatch later in the month AND Catching Fire in November). I knew Sunshine On Leith was going to be good. Even the harshest of critics have rated it highly and I can completely see why. 

I would describe Sunshine on Leith as, and please excuse my French, like Mamma Mia but not shit. The format was exactly the same as the smash hit ABBA enterprise; a rom-com with more of the 'rom' that the 'com' with additional singing and dance numbers. The refreshing elements surrounding Sunshine On Leith however, are that it does not suffer from continuity problems, is acted commendably and the songs are sung magnificently.

By the end I was in love with George MacKay. His thick, bewitching Scottish accent is just...ugh...and when he's singing in that accent it is sexy and enticing, just downright marvellous! I especially enjoyed Misty Blue and Then I Met You. Without a shadow of a doubt, the greatest number in the whole film is Over and Done With (which weirdly enough does not even feature on the Proclaimers Greatest Hits album?! I know this because I've got it). This song combines the sweet Mezzo-Soprano of Antonia Thomas and the throaty Alto of Freya Mavor with the melodic Baritones of George MacKay and Kevin Guthrie. It's convivial and jocund and the main reason for me coming home and instantly downloading the soundtrack. Best £8.99 ever. 

Go for a good plot to get stuck into and songs to get stuck in your head.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2481198/


nERD

Review of The To Do List

If you have read my previous blog posts you may well have noticed that I LOVE LOVE LOVE Parks and Recreation. So, when a film comes out starring Aubrey Plaza you can understand why I went on opening night. And I was right to be excited. It's bloody hilarious. 

The To Do List is a coming of age comedy about naive high school virgin Brandy (Aubrey Plaza) who is determined to lose her virginity before she starts college. The amazing and well-established Alia Shawkat is accompanied by Sarah Steele and they play Brandy's two best friends. I have loved Alia Shawkat since the beginning of Arrested Development and here she excels again, delivering her lines with cutting sarcasm and sass.

The plot is comprehensive and the ending is very satisfying! The To Do List is a cocktail of eye candy, satire and teenage reality served on the rocks. It is also worth mentioning that THE TO DO LIST IS NOT OFFENSIVE. If it was sexist, anti-feminist bullshit I wouldn't be praising it in the way I am. I find Brandy's choice empowering. On the surface, it is about a girl who feels she needs to have sex but Brandy soon realises that sex should not be the main focus and that there are more important things in life. She discovers this in a very real, and not at all twee way.   

My favourite quote is: "Brandy: I’m engaging, smart, once I add sexually experienced to the package he'll totally want me." Quite frankly, most of my friends will be able to relate to this which makes it poignant and hilarious-(the best combination).

Ultimately, The To Do List is an indie movie. It's unlikely to have the huge success Juno had because it is not aimed at everyone. I mean, I wouldn't recommend sitting down and watching it with your mum for example. Personally, the film gave me an insight into what life as a teenager would have been like in 1990s USA. 

I love the film and I can't wait to see more of Aubrey Plaza. (She's kinda definitely my idol). Similarly, I am now a fan of Bill Hader because he made me laugh, cringe and very nearly cry. Willy is a very tragic character.

The To Do List is original and consistently funny. Go and see it for a laugh, for a trip down memory lane or for a good, old-fashioned sliding-down-your-seat cringe. You can't go too far wrong with a film that has "Can't Touch This" as its soundtrack.

nERD